I don’t deserve it

We have our stars.  They shyly admit they were depressed for a while.  And a few bipolars, who are just like the alcoholic stars.  They act inappropriately, disappear for a while, thank god for their recovery and are normal again, until the next time.  But let’s imagine mental illness were treated like a popular disease.  We could:

  • Raise research money free from the taint of big pharmaceuticals. Treatments beyond just meds could then be explored.  Magnets.
  • Lobbying to be able to work part time and get benefits, instead of the “Can’t work at all” and “You’re too lazy to work” categories.  Lots of lobbying.
  • Reward employers and responsible media.
  • Plus all the everyday stuff: job re-training, affordable housing and healthcare, half-way houses.

But there’s so much guilt that it’s hard to ask.  I mean, what kind of illness makes you say horrible, terrible things you can’t control?  It’s not an illness; it’s just bad.  Or what causes you to miss a ton of work, inconveniencing everybody, because you’re suddenly afraid to drive?  I feel bad; like I’m being a bad person.  I’m ashamed to ask for a day off work when I’m hearing voices — how could I ask for others to support my horrible behavior?

If I had cancer, yeah, that’s a worthy cause.  Let’s give housing aid and work training to the intellectually disabled.  But I don’t deserve it.



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