My solar plexus chakra can be pulled out like a little drawer to check on things. Buddha saw said to be navel gazing, but actually he was checking on his third chakra. From there, they say, comes the sense of self-esteem, self-confidence, personal power, one’s will, or the lack of all these. Thus my third chakra troubles. My chakra burns either with yellow flames, when my stomach feels anxiety like a knife, or as red embers when my anxiety is more of a state of being.
I discovered that my chakra could be pulled out when I was young. It burned like coals, always making me hurt or nauseous. It was only nerves, they said. An ulcer was much worse, and they would know if I had an ulcer. So I pulled my chakra out and nurtured it with dry grass and a fire poker, with anxieties of whether I would get insulted or dejected in school, whether I would get taken away by communists and tortured like my dad said, whether I would go to hell because I had so many doubts.
There were so many things over the years related to self-esteem, self-confidence, personal power that I had no control over. They varied from whether my young husband would hurt me that night to whether my boss would berate me to whether I would face failure. They are things I might perhaps have taken into my own hands, but because of those early lessons of fire-minding, I only know to let them burn. I suppose people with good self-esteem, self-confidence and personal power have fire like an engine, propelling them forward.
The trick is not to have a third chakra at all, no sense of self in that soul-yearning way. The Buddha was looking at an empty drawer.